WHEN you arrive at your holiday destination after 13 hours of flying across the Atlantic Ocean, you're surely entitled to a relaxing first day in the sunshine?
A chance to slip off the T-shirt, slap on some lotion and soak up the sun while getting over the jet lag is the least you'd expect.
That's certainly what I was hoping for after flying to Memphis with my wife and sister-in-law to visit their brother and his wife.
But, alarmingly, things didn't quite go to plan.
We were sitting in the 90 degree heat, sunglasses on and book in hand, when the first shot rang out.
Then came the scream of "Oh my God, call the cops".
Then came the second and third gunshots before we, rather wisely, decided to come inside the house and tell Claire's brother to call the police.
Moments later the quiet suburb of Germantown, on the edge of Memphis, was awash with cop cars.
The street was cordoned off and neighbours gathered on their driveways to gossip about what had happened.
"I only moved into the neighbourhood a couple of weeks ago after living for 10 years in London, " one woman said. "A cop has told me some woman at that house over there was shooting at another woman, but that's all I know.
"I never saw anything like this while I was in England."
As the crime reporter at the Derby Telegraph, it felt quite good to get the scoop over the local press.
The local TV news finally sent a crew out around three hours after the siege (which is what the incident became) had started.
The local newspaper, called The Commercial Appeal, didn't even bother sending a reporter or photographer as far as I could see.
There were certainly no pictures alongside their amazingly small piece the following day.
We scoured online news to see if they could shed any light on what was happening just a few yards from where we were standing, but there was little.
A loudspeaker then started to fizz into life and the voice of the local police sergeant rang out.
"Susan," he said. "We know you are in there. Show us a sign that you are ok.
"We know no-one has been hurt so far but we need you to come out and let us know you are OK."
Another three hours of negotiations failed to yield a result and finally, six hours after the first gunshots were heard, armed police fired tear gas into the house.
A few minutes later the TV beamed pictures of a rather overweight middle-aged woman, bizarrely dressed in just her underwear, being led from the house in handcuffs.
Memphis police, the following day, charged Susan with attempted murder.
It seems she had hit a female friend with her revolver – an act referred to in the States as 'pistol whipping' – before firing shots at her as she tried to flee.
The motive, according to the cops, was an argument over a dog.
Some rum old things might happen in and around Derby during domestic disputes.
But you rarely see something like this in Mickleover.
