COMPLAINING about the remorseless march of technology is about as useful as telling the clouds to stop raining.
But any doubts I had about renewing my membership of the Machines Are Taking Over The World Society vanished with the Government's announcement that driverless cars will be allowed on Britain's road from early next year.
Yes, the machine that man invented to move him swiftly from A to B no longer needs him. Whatever next, the pilotless aeroplane? The television that watches us?
In the early days of the computerised carriage, there'll no doubt be a non-driving passenger – of the human variety – to keep an eye on things. But it's sure to live up to its name eventually and, when it does, men and women who drive for a living will be out of a job and all those who simply enjoy motoring will have to find other pleasures.
That'll wipe the smile off Jeremy Clarkson's face.
There will, of course, be many benefits from this latest example of life imitating science fiction. One of the less obvious could be longer marriages, because researchers in Sweden have found that couples in which one partner commutes for more than 45 minutes per day are 40 per cent more likely to divorce.
Since the driverless cars won't have human frailties, there'll be fewer crashes, which should mean shorter queues in A&E, except that we'll have to cut the number of doctors and nurses because there'll be fewer people earning money and paying taxes, what with all the cabbies, bus drivers, couriers and truckers on the dole. Traffic cops will become a thing of the past and we won't need as many firefighters and paramedics. Or insurance staff, since premiums will be down due to there being fewer claims, which will mean less work for people who run comparison websites and create TV adverts featuring animals that spawn a vast industry in soft-toy production, so more job losses there. and still less tax paid to support an ageing population.
With less cash from adverts, TV bosses will have less to spend on programmes, so we'll get endless repeats screened to millions more people getting fat and unhealthy because they've no work to do and no money. But it's going to happen anyway, and, if mankind had heeded doubting voices down the ages every time someone had invented a machine that saved him toil or discomfort, we'd still be in the Dark Ages. I can't deny, though, that the growing dehumanisation of life makes me uncomfortable.
I'm always one to look on the bright side, however, and, humans being the irrational and mischievous souls they are, the driverless car might well give rise to a new breed of computer wizard who, years from now, will quench the driverless public's thirst for retro cars by dressing up bog-standard models with a range of holograms and tweaking their sat-nav systems to look and behave like old favourites.
Ladies and gentleman (and robots) of Future World, I give you: the Taxi – it won't give way to oncoming traffic; the School Run 4x4 – guaranteed to park on zigzag lines; and the White Van – draw your own amusing message in dirt ("I wish my wife was this filthy" comes as standard).
