THE Derby Telegraph receives lots of letters each week on issues affecting Derby and Derbyshire, as well as further afield. This one talks about Russell Watson.
YOUR report about a fan of Russell Watson complaining that she couldn't see him perform at the Cathedral defies me ("£126.50 for two concert tickets – but singer was not visible", Derby Telegraph, December 15). I believe the pews aren't numbered as this is a place of worship, not a performing arts arena. This is a cathedral, which anyone over the age of 50 should realise has stone columns supporting the roof.
Surely the publicity should have explained that visibility from the pews can be restricted, therefore an early arrival is recommended. If all the tickets were the same price for this event, which they have been for other performances at the cathedral, then that may have given the 'fan' a clue. In any event, given the acoustic quality of the Cathedral, surely hearing your icon sing for very little money, is everything?
Had he sung at the Assembly Rooms, tickets would have cost a lot more!
IT'S the jokes you love to hate, and hate to love at the same time!
But Christmas jokes, and Christmas cracker jokes in particular, are here to stay.
So, to get you in the festive spirit, we've listed some of our top Christmas cracker jokes below. Try not to laugh too hard - if you laugh at all at these corny lines!
1) What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
2) Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'!
3) Knock, knock
Who's there?
Arthur
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
4) What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Fang Syne
5) Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
6) What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
7) What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
8) What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
9) What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
10) How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
11) Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
12) Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley!
13) What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
14) What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
15) What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
16) Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
17) Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
18) Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
19) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
20) How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
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AN action group backed by the Government to help Rolls-Royce workers facing redundancy was due to hold its first meeting today.
The Derby and Hucknall Rolls-Royce Skills and Job Retention Action Group has been established following an announcement by the firm last month that it planned to shed 2,600 staff, predominantly across its aerospace division.
Staff at Rolls-Royce's civil aerospace site at Sinfin will be affected by the cuts, with around 300 jobs set to go over the next 18 months.
Roll-Royce said restructuring of its turbine business would lead to the possible closure of a site in Derby in 2017.
The firm has previously said that it hopes to achieve the reductions through voluntary redundancies.
The action group will focus on support for staff affected by reductions at Rolls-Royce's Derby and Hucknall sites.
It will make use of the Talent Retention Solution, which matches engineering talent with new job opportunities and Job Centre Plus' Rapid Response Service.
The action group is made up of local MPs, representatives from local authorities, skills groups, business leaders and government officials.
Following today's meeting, the group will meet again in the New Year.
A COMMEMORATIVE beer has been brewed in the memory of Derby County legend Brian Clough.
The manager, who died on September 20, 2004, led both the Rams and their rivals Nottingham Forest.
He and Peter Taylor took the Rams from Division Two status to League champions in 1971-72 and he then steered Forest to the League title in 1977-78 and the European Cup in 1978-79 and 1979-80.
And it was Forest and Derby favourite Kenny Burns who was on hand to help the mix the brew for his old boss.
The 61-year-old had a tour of Castle Rock Brewery as they kicked off their four-strong Nottinghamian Celebration Ales series for 2015.
The 4.2 per cent pilsner-type pale ale will be available in pubs sometime in the next fortnight and should run until March.
Each year, Castle Rock Brewery create four ales to celebrate the life and work of Nottingham's native and adopted sons and daughters of the city.
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POLICE have released more details about the masked raiders who targeted a Derby Co-op store.
Officers were called to the shop, in Holbrook Road, Alvaston, after the incident happened on Sunday at about 7.20am.
Today, a spokesman for Derbyshire police said the three offenders threatened staff, demanded cash and cigarettes.
He said three workers were then locked in a storeroom while the offenders escaped. No-one was injured.
The spokesman said the suspects were dressed in dark clothing, with their hoods up and faces covered scarves.
They carried two large holdalls which they filled with cigarettes.
Anyone with information should contact the police on 101, quoting crime reference 53860/14.
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A LORRY driver was caught eating a bowl of CEREAL at the wheel during a clampdown by police in Derbyshire.
The man was issued with a police warning and was among 94 who were stopped and prosecuted during the operation.
Of those, 21 motorists were stopped for not wearing a seatbelt and 17 for using a mobile phone whilst driving.
A further 10 were stopped for having defective tyres and another 10 for vehicle registration offences.
The day of action saw police team up with partnership agencies to crack down on driving offences.
The team focused on the A444 in Castle Gresley during the drive.
Those caught flouting the law were issued with a mixture of warnings and penalties.
PC Barry Jackson said:" It is extremely concerning to discover the defects of some of the vehicles we come across.
"One vehicle stopped for numerous offences had tyres that were in a very dangerous state.
"Another large goods vehicle driver was stopped and reported for failing to control his vehicle, on closer inspection he was eating his breakfast from a bowl at the wheel."
Other offences included lighting-related offences, excess speed and unsecured loads.
PC Jackson said: "The aim of these operations are to make our roads safer throughout Derbyshire and help educate motorists about their driving as well as the importance of keeping their vehicles in a roadworthy state.
"Do not put off important maintenance of your vehicle, it can mean the difference between life and death for you, passengers, other road users and pedestrians."
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NEVER mind ho ho ho! It's no, no, no to a White Christmas in Derbyshire this year, according to forecasters.
In fact, a spokeswoman for the Met Office went as far as to say there was almost 0% chance of snow falling in the county on December 25.
She said: "To have snow, there must be a certain amount of precipitation and it does not look like there is going to be any.
"Christmas Day itself looks like it will be very sunny and clear."
She said tomorrow will start off overcast, although dry.
But heavy showers could emerge through the night and have the potential to get heavier on Christmas Eve morning.
Any cloud and rain should clear by the evening, leaving hopeful children to search the sky for Father Christmas.
The lack of cloud cover on Christmas morning will result in the day feeling quite crisp, with highs of 5C or 6C.
And the cold weather will continue into the night, when temperatures will fall to at least -2C.
The Met Office spokeswoman added: "It will be very, very cold.
"And it could be quite foggy overnight because of the cold temperatures."
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EXCITED children might catch a glimpse of "Santa's sleigh" on Christmas Eve.
The International Space Station is to pass over Derby and it could look like St Nick's iconic red sleigh, say experts.
And they said the space station is more likely to be seen over Christmas because skies are set to be clear.
According to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, the best chance to see the ISS in Derbyshire will be at 5.22pm on Christmas Eve and lasts for roughly four minutes.
It will appear 32 degrees above the west-south-west horizon (in the direction of Birmingham) and will pass over at a maximum height of 37 degrees (straight up is 90 degrees, the horizon is 0 degrees) before disappearing 11 degrees above the south-eastern horizon.
The second opportunity comes at 6.58pm and will challenge even the more keen stargazers.
It will appear 10 degrees above the south-western horizon before disappearing 10 degrees above the south-south-west horizon.
With a maximum height of 10 degrees, this appearance will be particularly difficult to see.
But clear weather that night will present people with a real chance of seeing the spectacle.
A Met Office spokeswoman said: "The space station will be passing over and it might look like Santa's sleigh.
"There is real potential for people in Derby to be able to see that as any cloud cover that has been around that day should have cleared."
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TOP ten Christmas gifts which probably appeared under your tree when you were a child.
1 Old Spice aftershave. Most dads would get to unwrap this gift on Christmas day- well as the advert stated it was "The mark of a man". But it never got opened and stayed in the bathroom cabinet untouched.
Watch the Old Spice advert here
2 Polaroid Instamatic camera. In the world of mobile phone technology this camera looks like a monstrosity - but we were all in awe when at the click of a button a photograph was taken and within seconds was automatically developed.
3 Breville sandwich maker. They were seen as the 'in thing' - making lovely cheese toasties. But it was soon gathering dust in the cupboard when the parents realised it was a pain to clean.
4 Remington shaver. This was the one advertised by Victor Kiam when he said: "I liked it so much I bought the company" and "shaves as close as a blade or your money back!" But my dad says it wasn't a patch on his trusty Bic razors.
5 Milk Tray chocolates. Everyone remembers this corny advert - the daredevil man risks life and limb to deliver chocolates to a woman with the catchline: "All because the lady loves Milk Tray." Every mum, gran and auntie would get a box of these or its rival Black Magic.
See the advert here -
6 Moulineux electrical products. These were usually small household appliances and the television adverts were always aimed at helping the mum of the house either with the cooking or cleaning. They usually ended with "Moulineux makes things simple and that includes the price".
7 Hi-Fi system with speakers. Yes back in the day that's how we listened to music - complete with record deck, tape deck and radio. They were very Rock N Roll!
8 Albums or cassettes. You couldn't have a Hi-Fi without a trusty vinyl record or cassette to play on them. Records used to jump around a bit and would easily scratch and cassettes could get chewed up but we loved them and after watching our weekly session of Top of the Pops would rush out to buy our favourite tune of the week.
9 Charlie perfume. "A different fragrance that thinks your way, and they call it Charlie!" Just as every dad got Old Spice every mum got Charlie.
10 Quality Street. No Christmas was complete without a tin of these goodies. Back in the early eighties they were the same price as they are now - about £5. Some say the tins were bigger back then and had more sweets in - all I know is ours always had the yellow wrapper toffees left in that no-one wanted.
DERBY County's toughest week of the season so far has come at a cost on the injury front.
Craig Bryson, Jeff Hndrick, Cyrus Christie and Johnny Russell are in the treatment room following Saturday's draw against Norwich City.
That was Derby's third game in eight days having lost to Middlesbrough and Chelsea.
Midfielder's Bryson and Hendrick are worries ahead of the Boxing Day clash against Birmingham City at St Andrew's.
Both limped out of the Norwich game, Hendrick at half time and Bryson after 74 minutes.
Hendrick has an ankle problem and Bryson has had a scan on a calf strain.
Head coach Steve McClaren also confirmed that Russell and Christie have knocks.
None of the four players trained on Monday.
"There are a few knocks, it is normal with three tough games in a week," said McClaren.
"We hope they come through. Hopefully the picture might have changed by Friday."
Derby will again be without Jamie Ward at Birmingham as well as defenders Jake Buxton and Zak Whitbread but midfielder John Eustace has trained and will be available.
"Wardy is getting closer. He may be involved in the Leeds game (Decemeber 30)," said McClaren.
Ward has made only one appearance as a substitute in nine weeks due to thigh problems.
Buxton will serve the second of his two-match ban for the red card he received in the Capital One Cup quarter-final tie against Chelsea.
Whitbread's back and hamstring problems have kept him out since the home defeat by Wigan Athletic on October 25.
An abductor injury saw Eustace miss the past three games although he has not featured since the Wigan fixture.
Derby have won one of their last five games while former Burton Albion boss Gary Rowett has made an impressive start to his job at Birmingham.
He has overseen five wins and two draws in his eight matches in charge.
McClaren remembers Derby's last visit to St Andrew's in February.
His team led 3-1 with only 12 minutes left and allowed themselves to be pegged back to 3-3.
"I remember it very well," frowned McClaren.
"We played well. We were 3-1 up and going for four, five and six when the game was won.
"That opened us up and left us vulnerable, and Birmingham punished us.
"We learned from that, as we try to learn from every game."
TRANSFER speculation linking Derby County with Fulham striker Ross McCormack have been dismissed by the striker himself.
Stories circulated in the summer of Derby eyeing McCormack before he made his £11m move to Craven Cottage.
A national newspaper has suggested the Rams are looking to sign the Scottish international but he said: "The manager has not even said anything to me about the reports, so that shows you how much truth there is in them.
"Newspaper speculation is the world we are living in. I have read it and a few of the lads have been having a bit of banter about it.
"I'm happy here. Fulham paid a nice bit of money to bring me here and I'm just looking to repay them by giving good performances."
A WOMAN was attacked with a wine bottle by an intruder who tried to steal her handbag.
The victim suffered cuts and bruises to her head in the assault, which took place in Long Eaton.
Police says it took place on Tuesday, December 16 just after midnight.
The victim was in her garden in Bridge Street when she saw two men in the yard.
She went back inside and as she did so one of the men reached into the house and picked up her handbag that was beside the door.
The woman managed to grab her bag back from the man who then took an empty wine bottle and assaulted the woman with it causing cuts to her head and hands.
One of the men was white, between 5ft 7ins and 5ft 9ins tall and was wearing a black baseball cap and a grey hoodie.
The other man was white, slim build, between 5ft 5ins and 5ins 6ins tall and was wearing a black jumper and a black bobble hat.
Anyone with any information is asked to contact DC Phil Travers at Ilkeston CID on 101.
BELPER Town have sacked manager Jon Froggatt and his assistant Mark Ward.
Former Grantham Town boss Jimmy Albans is the new Nailers manager, with Michael Hogg, his goalkeeping coach at the Gingerbreads, joining him at Christchurch Meadow.
Belper are currently six points adrift at the bottom of the Evo-Stik Premier Division, Saturday's 4-3 defeat at Ashton United the latest in a poor run of results.
Nailers chairman Alan Benfield said: "Recent performances and results have not been good enough to lift us out of our current predicament and we felt that we needed to take urgent action immediately to try to retain our status in the top division.
"Jon and Mark have worked really hard to try and turn things around since their appointment in October but I am sure that even they would admit that is has been a hugely difficult job for them in their first venture into club management.
"I would like to thank them both for their efforts over the past three months and I hope that they will both wish to continue to remain with the club on the playing side of things.
"In Jon's case, he has been a massive presence at the club since he arrived at Christchurch Meadow from Wakefield FC in 2009.
"He has been our leading goal scorer in each of the past three seasons, scoring over 30 goals in each of the campaigns, and winning the League Golden Boot award on two occasions."
Froggatt and Ward were appointed in October following Peter Duffield's decision to stand down as manager following an earlier run of results that saw the Nailers slide to the foot of the table.
New Nailers manager Albans said: "My brief from the chairman is to do everything in my power to lift the team away from its precarious position at the wrong end of the table.
"I believe that this is entirely achievable given what I know about the quality of the players at the club and I can see no reason why we can't dig ourselves out of the position we are in.
"We will give all of the current players every opportunity to show us what they are capable of and, with the playing structures that we plan to introduce, I am convinced that we will succeed in maintaining the club's Premier Division status."
The owner of a cat which died after being shot in Derbyshire on Christmas Day said it survived for around seven hours after the attack.
Gail Millward's Christmas was ruined when her two-year-old cat Stan walked through the cat flap with "blood coming through his side" after the incident in Trusley Brook, Hilton
Gail said: "He went out Christmas morning at around 9am and came back with blood through his side at 10am. When we called the vets, they didn't think he would die - we were hopeful of him pulling through.
"But I got a call at 5pm to say he died. The pellet was in his chest. I'm devastated and can't believe what has happened. He was a lovely cat and was really friendly with everybody."
Gail has put posters around Hilton with an appeal for information.
A spokesman for Derbyshire police said the force was aware of the incident.
Anybody with information should call 101.
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More than 120 workers in the East Midlands are facing redundancy.
Parcel delivery company City Link made the announcement it had gone into administration last week.
It has been criticised for the timing of the announcement.
Across the UK, more than 3,000 staff face losing their jobs.
Hunter Kelly, joint administrator to City Link Limited, said: "City Link Limited has incurred substantial losses over several years. These losses reflect a combination of intense competition in the sector, changing customer and parcel recipient preferences, and difficulties for the Company in reducing its cost base.
"The strain of these losses became too great and all but used up Better Capital's £40m investment, which was made in 2013 and intended to help to turn around the company.
"Despite the best efforts to save City Link Limited, including marketing the company for sale, it could not continue to operate as a going concern and administrators were appointed."
Mick Cash, general secretary of the Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers, said: "The delayed timing of the announcement that City Link was in administration to tea time on Christmas Day stinks to high heaven.
"Not only was it the most brutal and callous way to treat nearly 3000 staff but RMT believes there may have been more cynical motives behind it which we want the Government to investigate.
"The disgraceful timing of the City Link announcement at the start of the festive season must not be allowed to delay and hamper efforts to rescue the jobs."
The union is now demanding urgent talks with the administrators and Business Secretary Vince Cable.
There are 121 City Link workers in the East Midlands.
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DERBY County head coach Steve McClaren has been listed by Sky Bet as 16/1 to become the next boss of Newcastle United.
The Rams boss is among names mentioned after current Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew has been given permission to talk to Crystal Palace about taking over at Selhurst Park, after Neil Warnock was sacked.
And it is reported that the two clubs have agreed compensation for Pardew to succeed Warnock.
This leaves several names in the frame for the Newcastle United position, with McClaren listed at 16/1.
BetVictor and Paddy Power have him listed at 20/1.
Fabricio Coloccini, Steve Bruce, Tim Sherwood and Tony Pulis are other names among the odds.
Meanwhile, BetFair has McClaren at 22/1 to become the next Crystal Palace manager.
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A FACEBOOK tribute page has been set up in memory of Derby Trailblazers basketball coach Clarence Wiggins.
More than 1,700 people have already liked the page, which was set up after Mr Wiggins died on Monday.
The tribute page - called R.I.P Clarence Wiggins, A True Gentleman - described him as "a teacher, a gentleman with a heart of gold who guided and helped many generations of children and young adults. A Noel Baker Legend who touched many lives."
And a statement on the Derby Trailblazers Club's Facebook page said: "Derby Trailblazers are saddened to announce the sudden passing away of coach Clarence Wiggins, who died earlier today (Monday).
"Clarence was one of the stalwarts of basketball in the city ever since his arrival in the UK in the early 1980's.
"As well as being a terrific player in his day, Clarence played a major role in developing the playing careers of literally thousands of junior players. He will be greatly missed."
Club chairman Charlie Wright said: "Without a doubt, no other individual has played a more significant role in the development of basketball in the city of Derby. We offer our sincere condolences to CJ and the members of both families."
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A NEW book by historian Maxwell Craven shows how Derby has changed over more than two centuries.
Derby Through Time shows 90 views of the city from the late 18th Century to the present day with each before and after photo accompanied by a paragraph explaining how and when the scene had changed.
Mr Craven said: "Derby is an exceptional and underrated city.
"It was an important centre of the Midlands Enlightenment, boasting Dr Erasmus Darwin and John Whitehurst FRS among its 18th-Century residents.
"It produced an artist of international repute in Joseph Wright ARA and has been a centre for the production of fine porcelain and fine clocks for almost three centuries.
"It was a county town for five centuries and in its Georgian heyday much admired by writers such as Daniel Defoe. Despite the best endeavours of a peculiarly unappreciative and iconoclastic bunch of city fathers over the years, many of its fine Georgian and Regency features have managed to survive.
"The book has 90 photos, ranging from 1765 to the present day. I have attempted to show why it is still a city of which its citizens can be proud and how it has changed, in places out of all recognition."
The publication came about as a commission from Amberley for a "before and after" book for which Mr Craven has previously compiled two other tomes.
He said: "I have sought to combine views that seem to be unchanging, with examples of moderate change, and indeed wholesale transformation.
"Whilst none of us are against change, what tends to emerge is that, in Derby, it has been unnecessarily drastic; replacement buildings have been of poor quality on the whole. Other municipalities have managed such transformations a great deal more successfully."
The book is available at the Derby branch of Waterstones or at Amazon.co.uk
OSMASTON ROAD
From Bloomfield Street, you could once make your way to Osmaston Road. Almost parallel to London Road, it was once lined with impressive villas built between 1823 and the 1870s, at one time almost all owned by aldermen and known locally as the Mayor's Nest. Here we are, looking back towards Derby, near the corner of Bateman Street. The large villa (right) was Ivy House, then the home and surgery of Alderman Dr Laurie (late mayor) and demolished in the 1920s to build Ivy Square, a neat enclave of municipal housing.
UPPER HILL STREET
East of Osmaston Road, from 1760, a number of short, mean streets leading towards London Road were pitched on what had been High Park Corner – the edge of the parkland of Castlefields House. Here we see Upper Hill Street, which in the 18th Century had been called Cuckolds' Alley. The workshop on the left was long that of clockmaker Peter Brownsword (1773-1844), whose sister became the mother of turret clockmaker John Smith (1813-83), Brownsword's apprentice.
CORNMARKET
Cornmarket's southern end once crossed Markeaton Brook on a bridge called St Peter's or Gaol Bridge, which was culverted in 1848. It still lurks beneath. The wide street until 1863 accommodated the grain market and was lined with pubs, none of which survive. Until 1836, the Tudor Borough Gaol stood by the brook.
FULL STREET
AT its south end, Full Street turned right and fed into the market place. On the inside of the curve was the Horse and Trumpet Inn, 1761, closed 1967), and next to it, the taller County Assembly Rooms (1713-64, later a china showroom). Opposite is the side of the later Assembly Rooms. This was all swept away in 1970/71, in order to build the current Assembly Rooms and car park. The former is closed as a result of a fire in an air-conditioning plant. Today, the scene is ugly and unrecognisable, although one can still reach the market place from Full Street – just.
EXETER STREET
CLOSE to Exeter Street, a fine terrace of Regency houses were situated on Exeter Terrace. At the south end, on the corner with Exeter Place, survives the Exeter Arms, which is still one of Derby's most satisfying pubs. In the house on the extreme right was born, in 1820, England's greatest philosopher, Herbert Spencer. He died in 1903, marked from 1905 by a modest stone plaque over the door. As with Spencer's childhood home in Wilmot Street, it was wantonly demolished when the inner ring road was being built. Thankfully the inn survived, and a blue plaque was put up in memory of Spencer in 2014 by the council and Civic Society.
LEEDS United defender Stephen Warnock is confident that his side can beat Derby County at the iPro Stadium tonight.
Leeds beat the Rams 2-0 at Elland Road earlier this season and Warnock believes his side can do the double in Derby.
He said: "We know what their weaknesses are. We tried to exploit them last time and we did that, the game plan worked well.
"We have got to be as positive as we can and get a result from it."
Meanwhile SHEFFIELD Wednesday manager Stuart Gray has hinted that he has no funds to spend in the January transfer window.
The Owls are still plotting to make new additions in the new-year, but they will be loan moves rather than costly transfers.
"It is more likely we will be (looking) in the loan market than permanent unless it's a free transfer or taking a player who is out of contract," he said.
Former Newcastle United boss Chris Hughton has said he would be interested in taking the vacant manager's job at BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION.
Hughton has been out of work since being sacked by Norwich City last April and is keen to return to football.
He said: "It's a very good club and one that has a tremendous infrastructure.
"Anybody like myself that has been out for a while would be interested in that type of job."
